


my soul (so cynical)

by merriell



Series: antarlina (e) [7]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Reluctant friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-23
Updated: 2019-07-23
Packaged: 2020-07-12 01:29:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19937806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merriell/pseuds/merriell
Summary: 2022. Reno had never needed friends, but Kinan and his friends was rubbing off on him. When he received a premonition that something was going to shit, he made a decision to do something.





	my soul (so cynical)

Reno wondered how it felt like to have friends. 

Not acquaintances, the kind that wormed their way into conversations just to ask him to drop their names to his connections, not people who pretended to be his friends, like Adam did before everything went to shit, not work friends, like Ratna, no matter how much they like each other, as they would never broke the bubble of partnership they both enjoy being in, not friends with benefits, like Angga had always been, with the nights they’ve spent together in rooms that reek of sex and expensive whiskey. 

He meant, true friends. He’d been too focused on school work when he was younger, then too focused on getting into Universitas Indonesia, _then_ too focused on making do with his new path as a publicist, but seeing how Kinan talked with Anta with his hand settling so familiarly on his shoulder, and the way Giri curled protectively around both of them, baring his teeth at him like he was a criminal (which he wasn’t so wrong of, but none of them knew that), he wondered what it felt like to have _true_ friends. 

He hadn’t thought about it before, but being in a relationship with Kinan Mahardhika had forced him to think about a few things. 

He was washing dishes, traces of last night dinner he cooked for Kinan still stacked on the sink, when the knowledge hit him. His powers had been inherited by his mother, and it had no flair of the dramatics; some people with premonition would be given visions that make them hunch over in pain as the images flash in their mind without consent, or they would need a medium, like tarot cards, crystal balls, or pendulums. Reno simply _knew_. One second, he would simply been thinking about how much it would be better to simply use household magic to wash this fucking pan in particular, and the next second, _oh_. 

In another time he would just simply dismiss the knowledge and move on. Kinan was still asleep upstairs, in his bed, his messy hair falling to his eyes as he snored softly. He would have still smelled of Tom Ford’s Black Orchid that he was so fond of when he’ll get back. 

The dishes was finished a few minutes later. He let it air dry instead of drying it with a towel, something that would annoy Kinan because it left water stains in the ceramic. His phone vibrated from where he put it on the table. A quick look would signal him that it was simply a reminder of a meeting that he need to do with Annisa, the one intern in his firm he could tolerate. 

Besides that, he had no other pressing schedules. 

Normally, Reno thought, he wouldn’t have _bothered_. 

Sometimes, his life felt like something that _happened_ to him, instead something he had a full control of. Which was weird, because he spent most of his life trying to manipulate events he knew would happen into happening. Yet, his life was categorized into a timeline with event markers: before Adam, after Adam, before Kinan, after Kinan. His life after Kinan had been normal—but normal was _weird_ when you’ve been through some shit. Normal was weird after the last person you fall in love with turned out to be a homophobic asshole who forcibly outed you, so you decided to take a revenge and almost killed him, but instead of being satisfied, you ended up being expelled and now lived with a restraining magic that hurted you physically to the point of gagging whenever you go a few meters too close to that person. 

But, back to what he was saying: usually, Reno wouldn’t have bothered to help. He wished he felt nothing about it, like he always did. This time, he imagined Anta’s soft smile at him as he tried to maintain a conversation with Reno that went past ‘uh huh’ and _yes_ and _no,_ the way he had been so amused to hear Reno talk about anything, and he imagined the soft glare from Giri as Reno did the exact same thing he knew would antagonise him. 

He convinced himself that it was only because Kinan cared about them, but he knew better, really. 

Kinan was absolutely rubbing off on him.   


* * *

  
  
The fresh blood was bought from a hospital. No one needed to know where he knew where to buy three bags of unneeded blood that seemed to be in stock and unused, no one needed to know how he knew that demons sometimes need blood to perform certain magic, no one needed to know how he found Giri’s house so easily despite never being there before. 

He stopped outside of the fences. The house was old, with yellowing white paint cracking, old retro-Indonesian architecture that always seemed weird but charming, with a big banyan tree on the garden, something that would possibly scare anyone with sharp instinct. For once, they wouldn’t be paranoid, because there _was_ a woman sitting on the branch, her long black hair mingilng with the hanging plant tendrils. 

She stared at him when he appeared. His magic smelled like expensive cologne and pine, with the underlying note of jasmine and cigarettes. Some people remarked how _creepy_ he smelled, like an almost-ghost, ready to scare them. People tend to walk a few steps away when he did magic. 

The woman jumped down, her body almost transparent, before turning into a young girl. 

“Hello,” Reno said. He held up the blood bags between them. 

She tilted her head but did not walk closer. “Who are you?” 

“A friend,” he said. He did not know if that was even accurate. He was sure that Giri never thought him as one. “Of a friend.” Anta probably did think of him as a friend. 

Silence grew between them before she finally took a few steps closer. She still looked like the woman she was before, tanned skin and cat eyes, a wispy silk dress that must have been ancient. “You brought blood,” her tongue darted out and she licked her lips: cherry red with a gloss. When she put her hand on the fences between them, her nails were long and black. “Who’s it for?“ 

“You’ll need it,” he pushed the bags to her. “One bag for the next magic you’re going to do, and another to maintain your body.” 

“Giri,” she said, in understanding. She took the bags away from him. Her hands were cold as ice. 

“I believe you’ll be needed in five minutes,” he took a glance at the golden watch in his left hand. “Anta… watch out for him, will you.” 

Kanggani stared at him for a moment before sniffing. “You… smell familiar,” she mused. The bags in her hand disappeared before she reached for him.

Something in him made him take a step away, avoiding the touch. Something in him made her flinch away as well. “You’re _someone_ ’s. Not someone good. But your darkness is not really hers. It’s just… simply you.” 

He wished he had no idea of what she was talking about, but he knew what she was talking about. 

“Giri can help wash it away—“ 

“I don’t need it,” he frowned. 

“You _do_ ,” she replied, almost childishly. Which was weird. She’s about older than most of them, he knew. 

Right, as if Girindra would help him. He spent most of his time trying to ‘unmask’ Reno, prove to Kinan that he wasn’t that much of a good person as Reno would’ve liked him to believe. He was right. Reno wasn’t a good person. But it wasn’t Reno’s fault that he’s been looking at the right place, right? His record was _flawless_ , his father made sure of that, at least. If he had not been a poor kid from Semarang who knew how to navigate the glamour of Jakarta’s socialite life, though, he would heard of the rumour as soon as he walked in. 

He remembered Kinan, who was waking up then. He had plans of serving him breakfast on bed. Now that he was at Semarang, talking to a demon that protected the Wardhana’s residence, though, he would have probably forced to settle to have lunch somewhere they wouldn’t be discovered. 

“I have to go.” He said. Not that he was asking for anyone’s permission. 

“You are not a bad person.” 

Reno halted. Found himself staring at the demon in front of him. He wanted to smile at that. Laugh, even. All he gave her was a flash of teeth. He hated dealing with beings that could read his mind if they so wished, things that could peel away all the skin he had outside, peek into his core. But considering that Kanggani still thought him as a good person, she might have just been _assuming_. 

“You’re just a lesser demon, aren’t you?” he asked, quite rudely. 

Kanggani didn’t seem to mind. “If you are truly as bad as your aura is,” she grinned, “you wouldn’t bother helping us.” 

The heckle in his throat disappeared into amusement. A laugh was forced out of it instead. He didn’t laugh at places that didn’t have Kinan in it, but at times, he was happy to make exceptions. 

“Right,” he murmured. 

He Eluded away after that.   


* * *

  
  
The smell of brewed coffee hit him when he came back. Kinan was leaning on the kitchen isle, reading newspaper and waiting for the espresso machine to finish filling up. He lit up when he noticed Reno, offering him a smile and a soft, “Where have you been?” when Reno pressed up against him and left a chaste kiss in the side of his jaw. 

“Being nice,” Reno muttered against the skin. Kinan hated it when he lied, like a normal person, but it wasn’t a lie, not exactly. “Making friends,” he wasn’t quite sure about that one, yet. 

_Friends_. It was an unfamiliar word. He wondered if anyone ever thought him as one, before Kinan. He hadn’t even wondered about the concept before, because people around him was always too happy to use him. He always put Gabriel under acquaintances, Ratna and Annisa as a work friend, Angga as an ex. 

Maybe he could start making effort and putting them under ‘friend’. 

“Look,” Reno pulled away from Kinan. He looked beautiful, tanned skin under morning sun, his white shirt opened a few buttons too low. “This weekend, let’s have lunch with Anta and Giri.” 

Kinan’s face went on a journey, from shock, to amusement, before simply settling over pleased. He smiled, a soft smile that always brought warmth inside Reno, heating up parts of him he didn’t know was cold. “What did you even do before this, baby?” He laughed as he turned to the espresso machine. He took the almond milk from the counter and poured it over the espresso. 

Not even offended, Reno smiled at his lover. He hadn’t been quite friendly past the basic manners to both of his lover’s friends, so he understood, really, why Kinan was surprised, why Kinan was teasing him, although Anta was _trying_ and Giri… Giri was just being Giri. But he could try, too. Maybe it’d work, for once. Maybe he could settle with this, being happy with Kinan, living a normal life. 

“I don’t know,” he shrugged, lying like the son of a bitch he was, but Kinan didn’t need to know that. “Felt like it.” 

Kinan looked like him like he was the center of his world, and he knew for sure that his brightness was rubbing on him. He approached him again, and his tongue tasted like mint when he kissed him. Reno remembered what Kanggani had said, _you are not a bad person_ , and he really wished it was true, even if it wasn’t. 

But he could try. 

He could definitely _try_. 


End file.
